The Enneagram: The map that helped me come home

I didn’t go looking for the Enneagram. Not really.

At the time, I just wanted to feel more settled in myself. Sure of myself, and less of an observer to my own life. I had this quiet sense that something was a little off, like I was drifting through life without fully showing up in it. On the outside, things looked fine. But inside, there was a kind of fog I couldn’t explain. A dullness. A sense that my voice was getting lost, even from myself.

Then one day, my sister showed me a strange-looking diagram: a circle with numbers and lines criss-crossing through it. “I want to show you something” she said. 

The Enneagram Symbol

I was young, about 25 and I’d had zero experience with personality systems. At first, I thought it was fun, and maybe a little worried that it was a gimmick and I was being taken for a ride or stuffed in a wrong-sized box. But I was wrong. Over time I learned that it wasn’t about traits or behaviours — it was about what drives us beneath the surface. The Enneagram didn’t box me in; it revealed the box I was already in. The one I didn’t even realise I was living inside. 

It named patterns I hadn’t had words for. Not just what I did, but why. Why I tended to go quiet instead of speaking up. Why I worked so hard to keep the peace, even at the cost of my own authenticity and connection to myself. Why it felt so hard sometimes to know what I really wanted. Finding my enneagram type was less of a label and more of a lantern. One that gently lit up the patterns I’d been playing out without even realising.

And for the first time, I didn’t feel ashamed of that. I felt seen.

Nine Ways We Learn to Be in the World

The Enneagram speaks of nine core patterns or ways people experience the world. Nine patterns of attention, motivation, and protection. Nine ways we try to be okay in the world.

• Some of us strive to be good.

• Others need to be needed.

• Some want to feel strong, or special, or masterful.

Each type has its own hidden intelligence. A way of coping, protecting, and connecting. What I loved was that it didn’t judge any of them. It just gently asked: What if there’s more to you than this pattern?  What if there’s a deeper self, waiting underneath? 

My curiosity peaked, I yearned to know more about myself. 

A Mirror and a Map

For me, the Enneagram became both a mirror and a map.  It showed me where I go when I lose touch with myself, when I attempt to merge with others, numb out, or disappear into the background. And it offered a way back home to myself: to presence, to choice, to my own inner aliveness.

It hasn’t always been easy. Waking up to your patterns can be uncomfortable. But it’s also incredibly freeing. The Enneagram didn’t give me a new identity. It helped me remember and to fully step into the gifts I’d been quietly carrying all along.

If You're Curious

You don’t need to figure out your type right away. You don’t even need to get it “right.”  Just begin by noticing.

• Where do you lose yourself? 

• What is the real part of you, beneath all of the noise?

• What keeps calling you back?

• What does it feel like, to be at home with yourself?

The Enneagram isn’t a shortcut or a quick fix. It’s a companion for the long journey, the one that leads you back to your true self. Whether you're just beginning your Enneagram journey or have been walking this path for a while, there's always more to discover, especially when we approach it with creativity, curiosity, and a light heart.

If you’d like to explore the Enneagram in a soulful, hands-on way, you might enjoy one of my Colour Within Projects — part workbook, part creative practice, and all designed to help you reconnect with yourself in a meaningful way.